Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
