Just fell off a train. Bad.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
