Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
