Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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