Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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