I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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