census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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