That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
