So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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