u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
