just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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