I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
