can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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