this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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