Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
not ubering you a puppy
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