just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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