There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Randomize
