My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
