Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
