his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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