This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Pants are for mortals
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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