in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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