You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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