This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
