Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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