I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
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