You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
