Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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