next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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