I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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