this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
