My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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