don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
