I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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