Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
