If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
