I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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