I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
