If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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