She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
