Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
