So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
