I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dignity is for republicans.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
