Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
