FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
