I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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