You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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