i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
