But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
