I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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