girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
