I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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