just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
