im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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