Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
