found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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