Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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