I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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