I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There was a lot of him and a little penis
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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