addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
