im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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