Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ugly people sure do ruin things
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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