I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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