Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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