These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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