I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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