I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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