The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
