My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize