i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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