All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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