She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
