you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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