In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
